Through the hard times...

I have been having mixed feelings about writing about what I am going through.


At first I just wanted to keep it secret and inside and then I realized that I needed to write it down for myself more than anyone else, but if this does help someone else that is good as well.

What has helped me the most is recognizing that other people have gone through similar things and have still gone on to have healthy pregnancies. That I’m not the only one that has or will ever face this.

On Tuesday I went into my doctor for a checkup. We knew that for the past week something was not right and I had been having increased pain and bleeding. In Thursday I was in the ER due to sharp pain and other symptoms. I had the mentality that “I’m strong I’ve ran long distances I can take this pain.” And the increasing hope that everything would be ok. My doctor decided at that point to see if my body would naturally progress things, which sounded like the best option for me as well.

On Tuesday at 12:00 p.m. I had my fourth ultrasound (in a week) and was told I was going in for emergency surgery. It was all a blur after that. I remember the Ultrasound lady putting her arm around me and walking me to the surgery nurse.

Next thing I remember is laying on the operating room table in a white scary room with a bunch of people in scrubs and caps surrounding me. The nurses, anesthesiologist and doctors at the Riverton hospital were so wonderful. I remember crying and crying and everyone coming to talk to me and comfort me. Before the moment I was laying on the operating room table I knew that this pregnancy was not right, but I had never cried or let my emotions show. This past week in my primary class I taught them about The Ten Lepers and Compassion. I know now this lesson was for me more than it was for them, as I have felt its teaching in my life this week more than ever. I know I was not alone on the operating table and I felt the presence of my savior comforting me and strengthening me. The nurses and especially the surgery assistants were the most compassionate people and I am so thankful for that.

When I woke up I felt nauseas and confused. I looked down at my three incisions. The nurse explained to me that my right fallopian tube was removed but my ovary was able to be saved. My tube had been shredded by the pregnancy and I had some internal bleeding, which in some cases can be life threatening. Everything happened so fast it was hard to process all that had happened. I heard the nurse talking to Joe on the phone and he was at Wal-Mart getting me some comfy clothes and my prescriptions. The nurse thought it was hilarious he would go to Wal-Mart to get me clothes and mentioned, “I can’t wait to see what he chooses.” We got a good laugh out of his large red’s men shirt and capri’s from Wally World. Joe said he got the shirt so he could wear it again afterwards (how thoughtful).

The doctor explained to Joe that I had to be on bed rest for a week which is so hard for me. I can’t even lift Ty and at the moment it is a struggle to even walk up and down the stairs. Definitely no running for quite a while. I don’t know why I had an ectopic pregnancy. I don’t know what caused it or if I will have another one. I did not know the risks or how serious it was. I am thankful for good doctors who do the right thing to help their patients. I am thankful that sometime soon I won’t be in so much pain, physically or emotionally and most of all I am hopeful that sometime I may be able to have another healthy pregnancy. I know that God works in mysterious ways. I would not choose for this to happen to anyone but God has a reason. If I have learned anything from this its that I won’t take my life for granted anymore, its in the precious moments of life you learn how precious life really is.